How to get out of a bad relationship

Getting out of a bad relationship begins with knowing that you are in one!

It has been said that a relationship won't make you happy, however being in a bad one will make you miserable.

How do you know when you are in a bad relationship?

Here is how to tell.....

whether you have been in a love coma for the past 6 months or you have been in a relationship for a long time there are some basics to return to in order to see if you are in a bad relationship.

The very first thing has to do with basic values and vision.

Values are basically you and your partners operating system.  It is from here that all choices are made.  You can get a clear picture of what someone values based on their behavior.

For instance...

Peter goes to the gym regularly, is always on a diet, is critical of what other people look like and only has pretty friends.  Can you guess what one of peters values is?  Now remember this is not a judgment about the value, this is simply a way of gathering data.

While on first glance it may appear that Peter values health..we can quickly see that in making our assessment that we must consider some other aspects of his behavior to get a clear picture..You see, Peter also drinks, does drugs and partys on the weekends.

From this we can extrapolate, fairly safely that Peter values beauty, good looks etc...and that health may not be right up there.

Now back to you.  Suppose we see that you also go to the gym regularly, but you also go to yoga classes, meditate, eat very healthy meals and even study cooking for health.  You don't drink, don't do drugs, and hate going to clubs...

Now on first glance we could call this a compatibility issue, however this is not about similar interests this is about conflicting values. 

You see conflicting values are the ultimate cause of relationships ending and are usually not changeable, nor should they be.

So before you leave your current relationship, do a quick values assessment and see where you are, this will take the emotionality out of it and bring some reality into it!

Comments

[moti dromit]

Life is ultimately the accumulation of experiences, all those moments, good or bad are only steps you must take in order to realize all you are capable off. You should always accept facts, and understand the relentless changes life brings, all synchronized and timed to mark your journey. When you finish one step, go on to the next.

Insisting on ruminating over and over again, makes you lose the joy that life can give, and as a byproduct lose your sanity. Closing circles, or closing doors or closing chapters, whatever you call it. The important thing is to close those circles. Just let them go!

Is your job over, and finished? Is it a dead end job? Is your relationship over? You don’t live there anymore? Do you have to move away? Have you used your last dollar?... are you on a dead end street?

You can spend a lifetime rehashing the past; and in doing so, miss the present, and worse of all your future. If all you do is trying to understand the “why”, and wishing that somehow someone will enable you to get an instant replay, to try to understand what really happened. It is a futile effort; it will wear you down, and at the end, waste the only irreplaceable commodity you own, your lifetime. And then at the end you have not lived the present and have wasted your future. You are living as if you will never die and you will die without ever having lived.

We are all in the same whirlwind. It is not only you, and me, but also your friend, your children, your brothers. All and all we are destined to finish the steps we have walked and someday see from afar that road that you will never walk again.

This reminds me of the famous poem by Machado, “CAMINANTE” It says:
“ caminante no hay camino, se hace camino al andar, y no quedan sino estelas en el mar” ( Walker there is no set path, you make it as you walk along, and you only leave wakes on the sea).

Facts are exactly that, facts, it happened, irreversible irrevocable facts, we should not even wonder why, just take it and go. NEXT!

See what you can do, to get out of your own way, help yourself get over it, move away, change occupation, find new horizons, new friends, sell your old luggage, get new ones. The external changes can symbolize overwhelming internal processes. Letting go, drop, discard.

In life no one plays with marked cards, and we must learn to lose as we have learned to win or draw. Let go! Turn the page, live the present. The past is gone. Do not expect it back, you are now different, you have had new experiences, use them, live them embrace them.

Drop all anger, and resentment. Life is forward, never backward. Is it possible to return? Where? Need for clarification? What for? Aren’t you old enough to think before you speak, yet you said it, or do you have selective amnesia? See the writing on the wall before is too late, you are hurting your self by ignoring facts. Unspoken words? Silences so loud that made you deaf?

Tell yourself that this will never happen again, no, not again. But not for pride or arrogance, but because you no longer fit in there at all, in that heart, in that room in that house or at that office. You're not the same as you were two days ago, three months ago, or a year ago. Therefore, there is nothing to which to return. Close the door, turn the page, and close the circle. Not only you will never be the same, nor the environment, when you return will be equal, because nothing in life stands still, nothing that was there, is available, it has changed. Time has moved on, do not deluge your self with wishful thinking, hoping and justifying facts.

It is a process of learning to let go, it can be done, because I repeat: nothing and no one is indispensable. It's just habit, an addiction, a need. But close, clean, strip, oxygenate, Let it go, shake it.

Face it LET IT GO!

That is life!