About Dr. Eric

You know how some gay men have a terrible time getting dates and dating while others go from relationship to relationship and never really get their needs met?

Well, I sure did and i know I'm not alone! I've done it all! Looked for MR. RIGHT and only found Mr. Right Now, I have been in mini-marriages; I've fallen in love and made lousy relationship choices.  I've had my heart broken and torn apart.
I was the poster child for PAIN-FULL DATING!

Key word here is "was" ... 

My partner and I were friends for 4 years and in a committed loving relationship since 2001.

So if I can do it so can you! 

That is what Gay Dating Advice is all about.  A place to find support and information to help you go from being a PAIN-FULL dater to a PAIN FREE DATER!

Welcome and please if you have any questions, do not hesitate to email me!

Some relevant credentials

Doctorate in Ministry
Masters In Pastoral Counseling
Ordained Interfaith Minister
Friends In Deed; Director of Spiritual Counseling for the past 14 years
Private practice New York City for 18 years
(YAWN) now I am getting bored!  If you have a question email me!

Comments

[Brad]

Dr. Eric,

I've put dating on hold so I could focus on my education and my career. Suddenly I'm 26, I have a decent job but I feel like I'm in junior high when it comes to relationships and dating. I am just clueless! To compound the issue, I'm overweight and have tons of issues around that. Where do I start!?! I think I have a lot to offer a boyfriend, but at the same time since I haven't really dated I don't know if I'm ready to jump into something really long term. Where should I start? What questions should I be asking myself to figure out what I even want? Aaaaaaargh!

[Dr. Eric]

Dear Brad!
It is great to hear that you are focusing on your education and career and that you have a decent job! You should be very proud.

When it comes to relationships, join the club. If you feel like you are in Jr. High you are already ahead of the game....most of us are about 11 or 12 when it comes to having relationships.

That being said...make sure you avail yourself of the free dating course on the home page. It will help you make some distinctions and some evaluations and give you some direction in terms of dating!

As far as your issues with being overwieght...from one overweight person to another...you may want to explore what some of those issues are with a therapist or coach to help you figure out what, if anything, you might like to do about that...if there is anything to do.

Many blessings!

[Kenneth]

Dr. Brad, I have had a horrible time dating, and finding anyone interesting to date. But suddenly, I've found someone. We met at a local bar, have talked on the phone a couple of times for long periods of time, went on our first date, and he left in tjhe middle of the date saying he had to go to the emergency room. He called me to say he was leaving. I'm disappointed, worried, and slightly angry. Please tell my that this is just my insecurities, and everything will be fine. I'd really like to get to know this guy better.

Thanks

[Eric G. Schneider, D. Min.]

Dear Kenneth,
Your not alone in that dating can be very tough however we have ways of making it tougher for ourselves.

Because you deserve it, please sign up for my free dating e course and then we will have some common ground to discuss this "date and run" experience of yours!

Many blessings,

Dr. Eric

[Kyle]

Dr. Eric,

I recently came out of a 6 year relationship. The last 2 of the 6 years were miserable. I was controlled, belittled, and blamed for a lot of things. I finally got out, and out of the blue met an incredible man. We hit it off instantly and have strong feelings towards each other. I did the whole grieving, and anger thing after my break up, but definately felt it was the best thing for me. He has been hurt before, as, obviously, have I, so we want to take things slowly. However, I have found myself completely head over heals for him. We have many, many things in common, the same beliefs, and feelings. We are both completely on the same page when it comes to monogomy, and entering into a relationship with the intentions of it being forever. Any advice? I'm afraid of moving forward too soon.

[Jo]

I dont seem to have any luck with dating guys. Iv been out for 4 years and never had a relationship. I live in a city with a big gay scene and most guys my age (early 20s) seem to be having more luck then me. I just feel that im missing something. My self confidence is at a rock bottom. Im otherwise quite confident, attractive and workout a lot. But my main concerns are firstly my 4-5 inch penis which i feel inadequate about. When it comes to sex i dont have the gutts to penetrate a guy. Secondly im quite short (5.4) and i seem to feel that i cant get anyone cus of it. My self esteem has hit rock bottom and i feel that wont be able to satisfy any man.
Any advice??

[John]

Dear Dr.Eric,

I'am a college student majoring in psychology. I have not been on an "offical date." My question(s) are that I'am courting someone right now. We speak of very passionate things over the phone for he lives about an hour a way from where I live. For example, while outside one night he said to me "your eye is the moon, the clouds is your hair, the wind blowing is your breathe, and the tree is you..." I of course said something passionate to him as well, but what is your advice on places for us to go for somewhat grothic/rocker twenty year olds? I hear from an older friend that I should take dating slow let it blossom. But I also here that long distance relationships do not last, for I wish to be a graduate with a Medical Degree from a prestigious medical school far from I live. Please, doctor give me all the advice you know for a newbie at dating and love.

[John]

Dear Dr.Eric,

I'am a college student majoring in psychology. I have not been on an "offical date." My question(s) are that I'am courting someone right now. We speak of very passionate things over the phone for he lives about an hour a way from where I live. For example, while outside one night he said to me "your eye is the moon, the clouds is your hair, the wind blowing is your breathe, and the tree is you..." I of course said something passionate to him as well, but what is your advice on places for us to go for somewhat grothic/rocker twenty year olds? I hear from an older friend that I should take dating slow let it blossom. But I also here that long distance relationships do not last, for I wish to be a graduate with a Medical Degree from a prestigious medical school far from I live. Please, doctor give me all the advice you know for a newbie at dating and love.

[meet russian girls]

Hello

I had a problem when dealing with a guy i met last month. I talked to him but found that he is intrested in someone else.What should i do

[Dr. Eric]

Move on!
It may seem like common sense but never focus your energies on someone whose mind is elsewhere!

[Adam]

Hey Jo... My boyfriend is 5'4" 95 lbs and similarly endowed to you. I'm 6'1" 195 lbs... so. First off 5 is average, so if your a little under... this isn't a big deal at all... Not to get into all the talk, but thats not only enough, many guys prefer that (ahem, me included.) and it could encourage sex more often... There's so much baggage with everyone but especially gay people, I think and my experience has shown. We are all so insecure on many levels. Remember that... The guy you think is perfect thinks he is ugly for some reason at some time. No one knows why, and we all do it, even those who say they don't. And that guy would probably feel great if you said hi. Lose your expectations besides saying hi and hanging out... take it one step at a time. No one knows why, and we all do it, even those who say they don't. I found once I get myself out there I lose and win... Its never all fun, but it's enough fun to try that we keep trying... good luck, and keep your chin up.

[Derec]

Dr. E,
just wanted to get your own outlook and perspective on dealing with past relationships coming into conflict with current ones. case and point an ex of mine cheated on me several times over the latter part of our relationship. me being the naive and passive person i am tried to make it all go away and pretend it didn't happen. enter the news of his infection with hiv and coupled with that amount of stress i terminated the relationship. several lonely months went by which included a break in the club scene to be tested (thank god i was negative) and low and behold i run into the most amazing man i have ever met before. we started off relatively slow and have tested every part of the makings of this relationship. however i still for the life of me have the hardest time trying to not be overzealous or protective when it comes to him in any way. it frustrates me to no end because i can't control how i feel. blah. i dunno. i really love him and feel like i could spend a long long long time with him and we've talked before and he feels the same. so i suppose my question is then how do i allow myself to remove the anger and hurt form my last relationship to allow room for Nick to move in and if not mend at least fill the hurt that is there???

[Eric Schneider]

Hey there,
Thanks for writing me.
Your question is a really good one and require two hats.

Coaching hat: I have strong advice to anyone seeking a life partner and that is to have a list of at least 10 non-negotiables and never ever compromise on them. This is the criteria you use in order to evaluate a potential mate quickly and efficiently with out letting your chemistry in the way!!!!!

Hypnotherpist hat: Finish your unfinished business quickly and efficiently with a good hypnotherpist so that you can be free of the anger hurt and anguish!

Hope this helps!!!

Best,
Dr. E

[Derec Flowers]

Thanks E,
Hypnotherpy eh? i have never considered that as a viable option i think that i might be a good canidate for that. its just i always feel guilty for talking about all the things i have gone threw when sometimes i find my experiences of less importance than someone elses. well off to find a good pocketwatch. heres to the removal of bad feelings eh?

[David]

Dear Dr. E

A few months ago, I met Steven and we have been dating ever since. I really love this guy and things are great. Honestly, he's like my best friend only we feel a deep romantic passion for each other. More than that, I'm still extremely attracted to him. I've been happily monogamous for the first time! I think this could really go somewhere.
However, a problem has come up. I am very "masculine" and so is Steven. That's one of the things that drew me to him in the first place. However, turns out: we're both tops. I'm way more experienced than him (he was a virgin when I met him!) and I've learned to switch - I even find it pleasurable... but really I want to fuck him. We can't even though we've tried. He's super nervous and tense and nothing I've done has helped him relax.
Even worse, he beats himself up for not being able to bottom which just stresses him out more. I have resolved to never mention it again because the last thing I want to do is put pressure on him. I mean, this is supposed to be fun! But the truth of the matter is, I'm really stressed out myself. My honest, heartfelt desire is to be on top as well. I simply can't permanently become a "bottom." I just don't know how to do this without stressing him out - I want it to be about expressing my feelings for him. I want him to enjoy it and feel loved. This relationship is now very important to me. The bed is the one place I could never bear to lose him.

Thoughts?

Anxiously,
David

[Eric G. Schneider, D. Min.]

Dear David,
I am sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time in the sack right now...

Wanting your man to bottom for you is certainly a reasonable request and not wanting to be a pain in the butt getting him there is also reasonable.

First, don't make it such a big deal.
Second, start small and with other kinds of stimulation.
Third, while the top appears to be the one in power, the bottom says, who, what, where and when.

Now, the reasons your man may have trouble bottoming may not be as obvious as you think. Nor will he be able to discuss it with you.

While I have not written the book "finding your inner bottom" Your man may need some good help to get there.

Where are you located..and if you are more comfortable, write me off line: [email protected]

Talk soon,

Best,
Dr. E

[Daniel A]

Dear Dr. E,
Kinda the oppisite from the post above buta little different. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over 4 years, we are both bottoms and well we don't have sex often at all and when we do it's just jacking each other off. Everything else with us is fine it's just starting to really get aggravating that we don't do moreIm kinda ready to suggest that we have an open relationship but I'm sure he will go ballistic. What do you think

Thanks
D & D

[Tim]

Dr. Eric,

I've been dating a guy for about three months. I really like him. He's very funny, great with my kids, and offers stimulating conversation. But I'm finding myself less sexually attracted to him as time goes on. He's way more into me than I'm into him. I don't want to lose the friendship. I certainly don't want to hurt him. He's a really great guy. I'm just beginning to think he's not meant for me. How do I handle this?

[Juan Gonzalez]

Dear Dr. Eric,

I have been friends with someone via online chat for over 6 years now. We have never met face to face. I live in the US and he lives in eastern Europe. But somehow we connected and shared a lot about each of our lives just by instant messaging each other everyday and then emailing photos. I got to know this guy and all about his family. We spent countless hours instant messaging and emailing. I know if you don't cultivate a friendship it will eventually die. And it is more difficult when the people involved are thousands of miles apart from each other.

I took a trip to Europe 3 years ago and was planning to go meet him. I tried to contact him but I got no response. I ended up visiting another country instead. I found out he was in the hospital. He is fine now and he apologized for not being available. He had surgery for a serious injury. So now I am making my way back to Europe again this year. I told him I was very excited about finally meeting him. It seems the closer my trip gets the less I hear from him. Maybe he's nervous, maybe he's busy. But I don't want to think that he's not interested in meeting me because he shared so many personal things and we chatted for hours on end. I also don't want to get my hopes up too high or set myself up to travel so far and be turned away.

Signed,

Very Nervous

[Mark The Gay Relationship Hobby]

Great tips....Thanks for the awesome content.

[John]

Dear Dr. Eric,
I am feeling very stressed out at the moment and don't know who to turn to for advice. My boyfriend of two years is currently working on his masters in another country forcing us to have a long distance relationship.

One year ago, i caught him red handed cheating on me through online classifieds. I forgave him when he opened us to abuse as a child and many other excuses and even gave the option several times of trying an open relationship. He refused saying he only wanted monagomy.

I recently just found his profile on another gay site. I feel heartbroken because i do love him so much...and its not as much the cheating but the lying. I am slowly finding out he lies to every person that is imporant in his life about different things.

He is supposed to move back to the USA in a few months for his PHD where I would have to move across the country to be with him. I feel like i am not strong enough to break it off because i do love him so much but I can't imagine starting our life when i know its nothing but lies. It seems he wants to pretend to live in a fantasy where we are together in a house with a white picket fence where there is no problems but it isn't panning out that way at all. I feel like he can't deal with his true nature.

Any advice on whether you think there is any way to salvage our relationship or anything else you could give me is greatly appreciated.

[Leonardo Kim]

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