Gay Dating Advice

Back to dating basics...

Just wanted to spend a little time talking about the dating basics.

1. Intention first!  What are you dating for?  Recreation and fun or dating for a life partner.
So many times people try to do both at the same time.

This leads to a great deal of confusion and often emotional upset. Because of the way the brain works, love, lust, romance are often working together..even though sometimes they are not.  If you are dating for fun and recreation...make sure you are dating a number of people.  Having sex with one person, regularly can lead to attachment.  And as I have stated before, as attraction(attachment) increases judgment decreases.

When this happens you are likely to forgo your non-negotiables and make compromises which can lead you down the road of serial monogamy and ultimately relationship failure.

When you decide that you want a life partner, my advice is that you make that choice conciously..and not because of the great guy you just make.  I suggest you keep the locus of control where it belongs...with you!!!

Remember relationship failure often seems to stem from an initial compromise of your non-negotiables.

For more information on this subject get my free ecourse.  You can find it on the upper right corner of this site!

The pain of unrequited love....

The one you love does not call, text, email or communicate with you often enough..often enough for what though?

Often enough so that your concept of  "enough" is satisfied.  When that "enough" is satisfied, all is right with the world..or is it?

It is as if to say...If my beloved loved me, then my beloved would call, write, text...etc...but that is only your map.  Are you ready to entertain the idea that someone elses map might be different than yours?

You will save yourself a great deal of emotional wear and tear if you do.  If you consider that the amount that someone communicates with you has to do with who they are and not really who you are.  They may be thinking of you with out calling, communicating or connecting.  You may be taking up a great deal of air time in their head with out them acting on those thoughts.

Not all people are working off of your map..so chill out, relax....give the one you love some space.

Now, just for clarifications sake, I am not suggesting that you wait around for someone who is clearly not interested in you, which is really what unrequited love is all about...what I am talking about in this post is when the one you love has  shown interest!

If you want to fan the flames of attachment...keep your interactions positive, light and enjoyable!!!!

lust, romance and love...

Helen Fisher, Ph.D. rocks and even though her focus in this video about women, we as gay men can extrapolate from her message and get a better understanding of ourselves.

Enjoy!