Yearning vs. Longing

OK, I know that I am not the only one who gets these two muddled!

Have you ever lost a love?  I don't mean at a mall or anything, but really lost some one you were in love with, either by break up or some other form of ending?  Of course you have.  We all have and we all experience varying degrees of pain, anguish, and frustration. 

Clarity about what that anguish is about can help us turn it around, heal and move on...

Yearning vs. longing!

Lets begin with longing, sometimes called pining, is that aching feeling in ones chest that comes with a sense of what has been lost.  Usually a past context that is no longer...but wait, there is more!

That longing is very often fueled by our own minds.  That's right..usually from a memorialized past.  Funny, Fritz Peals once said, "memory and pride had an argument and pride one."  Well in this case we remember the past by re creating it in the present.  That is a story.  Yes, a story.  That often leaves out huge peaces of information.  A memorialized story about how wonderful it all was, or at the very least, how wonderful it could have been if only....ummmm did I say "if only"?

Yup...I did.....and that is how you can tell if you are experiencing longing...it is a feeling fueled by some very fancy cognitive foot work!

But what about yearning...well...yearning is part of 3 part system...yearning=wanting. 

Have you ever noticed when you get a craving for something....you can practically taste it...smell it...and even see it..?

That's more like yearning...an appetite for something...a wanting...so what is the challenge of wanting?  The big problem with wanting is that there is no problem with wanting...except that it often is shmoooshed up with getting and not getting.....

So what happens is:  wanting is followed by a sense of not having..which is then projected into the future as never going to get...leading to.....disappointment!  Now again, this disappointment.  However we can do something about this one....if in fact we break these three apart and stay with our wanting we then can use the energy that it comes with to take the actions that potentate getting!!!!!!

Comments

[barb elgin]

yes, cognitive fancy footwork - is that similar to what that great cognitive therapist albert ellis called 'mental masturbation'???? :-) (aka 'woe is me').

What is it about grieving that requires some of this???? Why does the grief process require us to be in pain before we feel better?

And, why is it that some outwardly grieve and others just 'go on' and appear on the surface to not need to grieve at all?

deep questions i know for a saturday night.....