Is a relationship all about work?

NO!!!!

While many think that a good relationship is all about work, it's not.  There are some things that are just deal breakers!

A deal breaker is either something that must be in place or must not be in place that is simply a non-negotiable.

Now sometimes there is in fact work to be done...but it doesn't have to be work that is done on your relationship.  It could be work you do on yourself.  I am sure that you have done things to try and change your partners behavior and found you just can't do it!

However you can influence your partners behavior by how you behave!!!!!

First lets look at the categories of behavior:
1. Verbal
2. Non-Verbal

By managing your own behavior you can really have an impact on your relationship...now if you are asking my why you have to do all the work, which is a common response to my suggesting this, the answer is simple...you don't have to.  You could simply continue to try to do what you already know doesn't work.

Before any of this can actually work you must learn to accept what is...to boldly face up to and take responsibility for reality.

You see in hopes and fantasy you can not really do much however if you are in reality you can really empower your ability to make a difference....

Let me give you an example....I am a slob....however my partner is not!  Neither he nor my mother have ever gotten me to be any other way....and in the beginning of our relationship he would nag me to try and change...this of course would create tremendous amount of resistance to any kind of change.....now...as my partner began to accept me more for who I was, he was more apt to clean around me, and NOT NAG me...this had an interesting impact on me.....slowly but surely I began to take up some of the cleaning chores around the house with out him asking!!!!!

Get aware of how you may be contributing to the dynamic of your relationship.  What are you doing, saying or not saying that may indeed have an impact on your relationship in a way that is less than satisfying!

Comments

[Paul Angelo]

Great article. Sometimes relationships need work and sometimes they can happen effortlessly. I personally believe that some work is required especially at the beginning since two people need to mix their realities together.

I wrote a whole bunch of articles about this subject as well and you can read them at http://www.PaulAngelo.com

Thank you,
Paul